Can't I Even Dream? Chapter 5

I explained to Matt that I tried to knock some sense into the girl. Matt nodded in understanding.

"I completely understand what you mean. Any normal ass person would get mad at someone that was playing dumb. You went a little bit overboard, man. It happens all the time. Lu's also really forgiving. She'll act like it never happened by tommorrow."

"Just like she does with everything else I do with her?"

I replied through gritted teeth. Matt thought that my anger wasn't senseless, he'd understand if I flipped the table in the gazebo.

"This'll probably mean Lu hates my guts, but I'll tell you some things about her. Big events tend to absolutely ruin her life. When she was a little girl she kept getting bullied by a group of girls. A boy bullied her too. She's been having trouble with things like this ever since she started elementary school. She likes to act like the past never happens because she's afraid of the past. It's like she has post-traumatic stress disorder. Lu doesn't have any of the physical symptoms though, her body isn't very good at acting on its own. But here's what's more important; Lu pretends those events don't happen because she likes you. She pretends most events don't happen for the sake of others. She knows other people don't really wanna hear it. Or at least that's what Lu thinks. She knows you know you rawly fucked up. She's pretending you didn't. Generally giving you a 'free eraser' if you ask me. The girls that bullied her...they always made fun of her when she cried and made her cry more. That's why she always runs or hides her face whenever she cries. It doesn't make her seem vulnerable. It's also why most things that phase others don't seem to phase her. Her grandfather passed away a few weeks ago. She acted like nothing happened, but she cried for two days in her room. The girl wouldn't even log on Steam. Lu seems strong, but she has a very weak and fragile heart. If anyone dies, she cries the Nile River."

"...How the hell do you know all this?"

"I kinda caught her red-handed. I asked her what happened at the park after you came back and gave me the dumbass treatment. I got it out of her in a more relaxed tone than..."

Looking at me, he took back the 'than' and started another sentence. An idiot could figure out he was referring to me. But the fact that it was more relaxing was unavoidable. Matt doesn't seem to be phased by annoyance very easily either. I wonder if he has another layer under him like Lu.

"...ANYWAYS, she explained everything through tears and guilt. Lu must really hate being honest when she has to be. Oh, yeah, she'll always feel guilty when you ask her a question that has to do with the past. So don't steer the topic that way either."

I started to leave the gazebo. I had to apologize, tell Lu Matt spilled everything.

"Whoah, whoah, wait, Mello."

"Why should I? The sooner the better."

"She wants to be alone right now. Just let her talk to her online friends and draw."

"Do you know more about her?"

"Actually, a lot more. But I'm not your mole. Ask her anything about her and she'll answer honestly. The girl always wanted to be interviewed."

Why the hell would such a closet girl wanna be interviewed?


I confronted her when she was dropped off by her aunt and uncle. I was finally given names. Aunt Ruby and Uncle Mitchell. Mitchell was a really strange and unique name. He had diabetes, but the couple was really nice. Ruby was kinda funny.

"Lu, I have some questions to ask you."

Lu looked up, kind of in a daze as if she just woke up moments ago.

"Sure, what."

I took her to her room, and talked to her about Matt's testimony. Blush came to her face. She was warm in a room she kept thirty degrees.

"I-I really trust Matt, ya know... Not that I don't trust you or anything... You never asked..."

"I asked you about the kiss, and you didn't answer."

"Didn't you just say that Matt told you I hate history questions?!"

It's as if we were switching personalities for a second. Lu was getting unreasonably angry, and I was calm. It seemed strange, and she knew it. Her face was buried in her hand.

"The point is...I'm a desperate idiot. I really don't have the look or personality of it, but I'm definitely a romantic. But, I usually only fall for guys that are either gay or fictional. The first kiss, I gave in...because it was my first kiss."

There was a dead silence, unless you counted the hum of the various technologies she kept in her room.

"I wanted to know what it was like...to really kiss someone. I thought it had to be double-sided...until you kissed me in the hospital. It was...erotic...and I'm a fuckin' pervert. You have no idea how much I hate admitting all this stuff... But you already know my stupid past! It'd be retarded if I wasn't honest with you here on out!"

She wasn't being herself at all. Lu never used the term 'retarded' because she had a retarded uncle. Also, she never used cheesy terms like 'here on out'. Lu was being completely honest. Not a word coming out of her mouth was a lie. But she seemed so guilty about it. One that lies their whole life, they're so used to it, it's almost like they're allergic to the truth... And when the truth comes out, you're just...

"I like you Mello! I think you're a pretty cool guy."

Finally back to her usual self? It seemed she was going to say more. But she was also very lazy and wanted to cut to the chase.

"But...I don't like you like a boyfriend or anything. Liking a kiss doesn't mean you like the person that delivered it."

She really is an idiot. I could tell that she was foreign to this emotion. A true love, not a friend love or family love. Lu was genuinely in love with me...blinded by love to put it bluntly. Now if this was sex or rape, I'd totally disregard what I just said. But a kiss is much less physical. It's a flag of love, but I knew she didn't wanna hear it. Lu was a person that would be mildly influenced by others' words. She hated hearing the various testimonies though. Also, this was completely her own decision. There was nothing that could ever influence love. Especially not me. If she loved me, she'd know.

"Why do you keep it so cold in your room?"

The topic was getting to emotional for her to bear it. Tears were coming out of her eyes and she was even acting like me. Lu seemed much less tense as I changed the topic.

"I hate bugs, but I'm kinda messy. Also, I'm kind of a shut in. I keep my room cold to let the bugs out... Even if I do get a bit congested."

I took a peek at her mildly scarred knee and pointed at it. That wasn't there yesterday.

"What happened?"

"Oh, I was skateboarding down a hill a bit too fast and acciden'ally got stopped by a ditch. I tried to jump off right before, but I fell shoulder first on concrete."

She showed be a bruise that looked like a kid with nubs for nails tried to claw at her shoulder.

"It hurts to move my arm, but I'll survive. Not like it's bleedin' or anything."

"Matt told me you always wanted to be interviewed. Why 's that?"

"I always wanted to be an actress. You know, in movies 'n stuff? When people interview me it makes me feel like I'm a star already."

"I always thought you wanted to be an artist."

"Art is more of a hobby for me. I really like it, but adults keep telling me that they can't do much with their art major. I wanna be well-known 'n make tons of money. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll end up making myself broke."

"I think there are better jobs that can get you money than acting... Not that acting is bad or anything."

"Of course there is! But they scare me. I'm really smart, so my parents say I should be a doctor. Diseases intrigue me, but I'm afraid of them. Internal organs are really creepy too."

"Yeah, I still hate biology. Is there anyone you plan on meeting in Florida?"

"Definitely Morgan. On MSN we already planned it. We're meeting her as soon as we get off the ship at Downtown Disney. The ship will be sitting there for about three days, so we should be safe."

"'Kay. So...back on track,"

Now that I have her calmed down, I might as well ask the most important quesiton.

"The kisses, did you like them?"

"...Yeah..."

"You want more?"

She was blushing so much she had to hide her face.

"Mmhmm..."

I tilted her head up and kissed her. I grabbed her waist and pulled her to standing up with me, standing close to me. Her heart was beating like a drum. Her hands drifted onto my shoulders. Lu enjoyed it. Our tongues jostled in and out of each other's lips. She thought she didn't seem to be shy. That she could have time to think with everything she wanted. But that wasn't true. I parted the kiss, and told her this;

"Realize your feelings for me, and I'll kiss you whenever you want... Better than I usually do."

"B-better?!"

Lu's words were just little wisps of hope. A reward for picking the right decision. For chosing me over any other. She began to slowly shove me out of her room.

"I-I need t-time to..."

Her door shut before she could finish her sentence. Lu was absolutely flustered and couldn't muster another word. But I'm not an idiot. Time to think is all you want and need, I understand and you can have it.

[Lu's POV]

All I really need is some time to think... That's how it goes in th' movies, at least. What do they do in the time ta' think though? The producers always cut it off then. Wait! Google is my friend. I smiled as I plopped myself in front of my computer monitor.

"...Realize feelings for friend..."

A bunch of stupid things came up. Like 'I realized that I have feelings for my friend, but now he's seeing someone.' or 'How to mend hurt feelings with friends.' this one's close but, I'm not a dude. 'How to tell a female best friend you've developed feelings for her.' Also, I don't know if I have feelings for Mello. Well...he is pretty close to a girl... Shot. Mello is not a girl, dumbass. No matter how PMS-y he acts. I wonder what would happen if I searched it with the words 'How To' in front of the search...